Motivational Me

I am nothing, if not one of those people who struggles to make a decision. Some decisions are easy: helping my parents when times were tough, moving back home, saying yes when Jason proposed, requesting time off from work every month. These are “no-brainers” and it was less than difficult (i.e., EASY) to make those decisions.

Other times…many other times… it’s not so easy.

Last year, I made up my mind to apply for a graduate program back home. The college of education at my alma mater has a terrific elementary education program. Yes, I do already have a graduate degree. Yes, it’s in education (secondary). So, why the HECK would I go in for another?

As a part of my job as an educational materials editor for the last two years, I’ve done bucket loads of curriculum development. But, with no formal training (my grad program wasn’t the best) I feel somewhat at a disadvantage. I feel felt that the program in elementary ed would really come in handy when Jason and I work on our own projects.

So, I got into the program. When I get back home in August, I can start my course load. Great!

Except I was chatting with my mom on skype yesterday and she poses the question: WHY ARE YOU GETTING ANOTHER MASTERS? WHY NOT A PhD??

Then Jason chimes in: I’ve been asking the same thing.

I totally felt double-teamed. But it did get me thinking. Why not a PhD? And, I run down my list of excuses–which I will have to examine carefully for validity.

1. The GRE freaks me out! I’m a relatively smart girl, and those vocab words are intimidating as hell.

2. I just got into an MA program…and I’ll need rewrites of the damn reference letters. I HATE LETTERS.

3. The doctoral program wants 3 years of teaching experience. I. don’t. have. that. I have two years of substitute teaching, a full session of summer school, and a year of student teaching. Does this count??

4. I have the lingering hesitation: do I REALLY want to go back to school… again? Isn’t two bachelors and a masters enough?

5. The, of course, the question that has been plaguing me since 11th grade: What do I want to do with my life?

So, when I get home, I am working full-time. I am planning my (our) wedding. I am catching up on two years of missed family and friend time. I am working on my and Jason’s writing project. I am hoping to buy a house with land enough to grow and maintain a subsistence farm. I am also getting back in shape. Oh, and there’s a half marathon in October… I guess I am going back to school too. Maybe not. I’m unsure.

I love my fiancée, family, and friends. I look over the course descriptions for the master’s program, and they look good (and 100% applicable in most cases).

Dr. Tamara Wilburn just sounds lovely.

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One response to “Motivational Me

  1. I could be wrong, and forgive me if I am, but to me, after reading what you wrote, it seems that you truly want to go for the Masters and are feeling pressure to get the PhD.
    Try not to let people persuade you into what they think is best. You should do what you think is best, for you.
    On the other hand, maybe you really want the PhD but aren’t fully confident or a bit nervous. You’ve already achieved the Masters once, so it may feel less intimidating to go for a second.
    It’s obvious you are a very smart girl and are able to accomplish whichever path you choose. Maybe you could go for a long walk alone, listen to nature, try to clear your mind and listen to what your heart says.. Your decision will probably come easiest to you by simply listening to the voice inside of you, not the ones around you 🙂 and no matter what decision you make, don’t doubt yourself, you will be a success and that’s truly all that counts.

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