Looking Back…

I should have stayed in gymnastics… or ballet, or tap, or jazz.

I should have chosen a smaller instrument to play; the flute, clarinet, or since I HAD to play a double-reed instrument, the oboe.

I should have saved more of my toys…Right, Barbie?

I should be more positive.

I should have tried to make more friends.

I should have been nicer to my family…not calling them ‘sickly’ one day in high school…

I should have written A LOT more

I should have listened to more music…”Nirvana who?” seriously until 1998-ish.

I should have tried out for cross-country my senior year.

I probably should have stayed in band, even though it felt like I was cheating on my old band.

I know I should have continued playing the bassoon.

I shouldn’t have said that.

I should have been more open to trying new things A LOT sooner.

I shouldn’t have done that.

I shouldn’t have dated that guy.

I should have applied to more colleges.

I should really finish Tucker’s baby blanket.

I should have tried a little harder to make Purdue work.

I should have tried a little harder.

I probably shouldn’t have gotten that extra BA.

I should have taught more than just summer lit.

I should forgive.

I should eat more vegetables.

I should travel more.

I should lose weight.

I should read more books.

I should get outside more.

I should have suggested looking at more houses.

I should buy more cloth diapers. We have 20.

I should be a better kitteh mommy. They need play time and cuddles just like Tucker.

There’s a lot that I should have done and that I should do. While, obviously, I cannot change the choices I’ve made in the past, they can help me to adjust the way I am doing things now. If’ I’ve learned anything, it’s that everything you do and everyone you meet, you do so for a purpose. I wouldn’t be the person–wife, mother, daughter, niece, friend–I am today without my experiences. And with those experiences, I know that I need to be a better person–wife, mother, daughter, niece, friend. I’m trying. I will continue to do so.

With all my ‘shouldas’ I need to mention that:

I’m GLAD I married this guy.

I’m so happy to have this baby.

I love the friends I have, the family I have.

I’m glad I went to Korea; even though it was tough. And scary. And unfamiliar.

I’m lucky for the jobs I’ve had and the one I have now.

I value my education.

Yeah… these lists could go on and on…


5 thoughts on “Looking Back…”

  1. Oh god, I could fill a book with my shouldas. But the important thing is be happy with where you are and who you are now, and like you said, continue to grow. From where i stand, you’re doing pretty great. Life is a blessing so let’s try to enjoy it!

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